A Love Story
Photo Credit: Daffron Photography
A Mother's Broken Heart
My heart just sank. It sank and shattered into a million pieces when I saw my son's dismayed heart.
I protected him from so much before I was able to escape the ever-growing abusive situation, but even the most protected will be affected. Even babies in the womb grow aware of their environment and their mother's feelings before they are born. AJ was about 8 months old when I was able to get us into permanent safety. It was when I was visiting my friend's shake shop with AJ when a man came in to order while AJ was crawling around. My son stopped and was intently looking up at him while still on all fours. For over 5 minutes AJ's eyes didn't leave. Once my friend made his shake, he turned and walked out the door. My son's head dropped, his little shoulders shook, and he cried the saddest baby tears.
It was an emotional gut punch.
In that instance, I told myself I wasn't going to date around. I didn't want repeated attached and detached relationships of men coming into and leaving AJ's life, deepening the existing pain.
So, I prayed.
I prayed God would give me the strength to be accountable to myself and others, for AJ's sake.
And, I prayed God would bring the right man into my life.
Praying is easy.
Trusting is hard.
I protected him from so much before I was able to escape the ever-growing abusive situation, but even the most protected will be affected. Even babies in the womb grow aware of their environment and their mother's feelings before they are born. AJ was about 8 months old when I was able to get us into permanent safety. It was when I was visiting my friend's shake shop with AJ when a man came in to order while AJ was crawling around. My son stopped and was intently looking up at him while still on all fours. For over 5 minutes AJ's eyes didn't leave. Once my friend made his shake, he turned and walked out the door. My son's head dropped, his little shoulders shook, and he cried the saddest baby tears.
It was an emotional gut punch.
In that instance, I told myself I wasn't going to date around. I didn't want repeated attached and detached relationships of men coming into and leaving AJ's life, deepening the existing pain.
So, I prayed.
I prayed God would give me the strength to be accountable to myself and others, for AJ's sake.
And, I prayed God would bring the right man into my life.
Praying is easy.
Trusting is hard.
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AJ loved all people; he connected with both women and men, but over time I saw how he responded differently to them. I saw a vulnerable and delicate nature when AJ bonded with men. When I was at our church's statewide family camp I dropped him off at the nursery. Up against the wall, I saw a father sitting in a rocker with his own kid, he too was trying to transition nursery drop-off. Out of all the adults, women, and kids in the room, I watched as AJ made his way over to this unsuspecting dad, crawl up onto the other side of his lap, and wrap his arms around his neck as though he knew him.
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I almost cried. I saw the surprise on the dad's face, but he didn’t look around for a parent, he just simply and patiently held my kid along with his. I thought back to AJ at the shake shop. Waiting is hard, but AJ was my motivation to diligently grow as a person. It was unfair and unjust what happened to me...to us...but, only I could fight to get myself back, no one else could do that for me. The better of a person you can be, the better your relationships will be.
Praying is easy.
Trusting is hard.
Waiting is really hard!
Praying is easy.
Trusting is hard.
Waiting is really hard!
Second Chances
I made a list.
Long ago, I hated the thought of making a list for a future husband. I felt it was limiting in case I met an amazing person that "wasn't the list". I don't do well with "boxes" and I thought lists were "boxy".
I realized I needed further accountability when there were potential relationships that I knew weren't right for me, so in December of 2012, I started talking with my brother about relationships and guys. My gauge on men was a little shaky, and I realized in some ways I was unrealistic in how a man should be, and in other ways too loose on how a man should be. I didn't date in high school, and my abusive relationship from college was the only one I'd ever known. I thought, what better person to talk to than my brother, who had a been a mentor to many guys, and an Associate Youth Pastor of a youth group that fluctuated between 700-900 teenagers.
I followed his advice on making a list of negotiables and non-negotiables in what I looked for in characteristics and values in a future husband.
I wrote down my list, looked at it, and thought, "I'm never going to find a man like this!"
It was in that moment God inaudibly said, "Cause you aren't. I AM."
Around January of 2013, I was driving to work and praying. I said, "God, I know that you're ultimately the Father to the fatherless, but I pray you would bring the right father into AJ's life. I feel I'm ready to date again. Maybe You disagree, but I feel that I've healed as much as I can in this stage. But, if I'm wrong, I'll do my best until it's time. I'm not rushing it, I just want someone there for AJ, someone he can grow up knowing is his dad. But, I know You know best. I'm just expressing my heart."
Inaudibly, He said, "I know, I'm already working on him; he's not ready yet."
I was so excited! I was also kind of shocked. But, I knew it was true. So, I told God, "Okay, then I'll just be praying for him."
About a month later, a family member on my mom's side passed away, and she was attending the funeral, which meant flying from Minnesota to Oregon. I prayed two specific things:
1. My mom would have more of a time of joy with family than a time of sorrow.
2. She would find a man for me.
Those were two of the many prayers I kept to myself.
Previously, I had been praying that whoever came into my life that there'd be a covering of community. I wanted someone who was known by people that also knew me; I felt there was safety and blessing when someone could be vouched for. There were too many deceivers out there, and I didn't want to chance it. You would think with all the connections and pastors we knew throughout the whole state of Minnesota, that it'd be the place I'd meet someone. As she left for Oregon, I knew it was a long shot in finding someone in such a short time, especially when you compare the size of Minnesota to a community of about 15,000. I just figured God could do anything; He had made more impossible things happen, so I was going to pray anyway!
Mom called me. It had only been a few days.
"Robyn! I'm sitting here with my good friend, Cindy, and she says you and her son, Josh, have a lot in common. She follows you on Facebook and thought you two should get to know each other; you should go add him!"
"Wow, that was really fast," I thought. No way. Was God answering my prayer that fast? I figured I'd play it cool and just take it in stride. "Oh that's neat!" I told my mom, "But, I am not adding him on Facebook, he can add me..." I later reasoned that I added people on there a lot with the intention to casually connect, so why not treat him like any other person? So, I did.
I messaged him, "Hi! You don't know me, but our moms had lunch yesterday. Just thought I'd say hi."
He began with, "Actually, I do know who you are." I found out later he thought I was a catfisher, or that a friend left their account open on his laptop, but then he saw my last name and recognized me as the daughter of his mom's good friend. Josh was three years older than me, and I grew up knowing his family as the family with a lot of kids who were redheads when we got yearly Christmas cards with pictures. Josh has six siblings and no red hair. Our friendship that was built on honesty from the start, and we continued writing each other on Facebook. After about a week of talking, he mentioned flying from Colorado Springs, CO, to visit me in Wadena, MN. He wanted to take me out on an official date.
I was so nervous when I was going to meet him face-to-face for the first time. The shuttle dropped him off at the halfway point at a hotel lobby, where my parents, AJ, and I waited. I saw him waiting outside the lobby with a suitcase. "There he is!" I exclaimed to my mom.
She said, "Well go and say hi!!"
"No!" I said, as I went and hid at the other end of the lobby.
My dad came back into the lobby, after searching out coffee I'm sure. Mom turned to him,
"Dear, she's afraid to go out there." For the record, I was shy, not afraid.
I grabbed AJ and said, "You're coming with me," and we all went out to greet Josh.
He turned as we approached him, AJ lept from my arms and right into his, and before I knew it, AJ was clinging to Josh with his face buried into his neck. It was the sweetest moment and best ice breaker one could have. My dad thought he'd do his own awkward icebreaker and try to put a Bible between us when we loaded up in the back. I laughed and put the Bible back where it originally was.
Long ago, I hated the thought of making a list for a future husband. I felt it was limiting in case I met an amazing person that "wasn't the list". I don't do well with "boxes" and I thought lists were "boxy".
I realized I needed further accountability when there were potential relationships that I knew weren't right for me, so in December of 2012, I started talking with my brother about relationships and guys. My gauge on men was a little shaky, and I realized in some ways I was unrealistic in how a man should be, and in other ways too loose on how a man should be. I didn't date in high school, and my abusive relationship from college was the only one I'd ever known. I thought, what better person to talk to than my brother, who had a been a mentor to many guys, and an Associate Youth Pastor of a youth group that fluctuated between 700-900 teenagers.
I followed his advice on making a list of negotiables and non-negotiables in what I looked for in characteristics and values in a future husband.
I wrote down my list, looked at it, and thought, "I'm never going to find a man like this!"
It was in that moment God inaudibly said, "Cause you aren't. I AM."
Around January of 2013, I was driving to work and praying. I said, "God, I know that you're ultimately the Father to the fatherless, but I pray you would bring the right father into AJ's life. I feel I'm ready to date again. Maybe You disagree, but I feel that I've healed as much as I can in this stage. But, if I'm wrong, I'll do my best until it's time. I'm not rushing it, I just want someone there for AJ, someone he can grow up knowing is his dad. But, I know You know best. I'm just expressing my heart."
Inaudibly, He said, "I know, I'm already working on him; he's not ready yet."
I was so excited! I was also kind of shocked. But, I knew it was true. So, I told God, "Okay, then I'll just be praying for him."
About a month later, a family member on my mom's side passed away, and she was attending the funeral, which meant flying from Minnesota to Oregon. I prayed two specific things:
1. My mom would have more of a time of joy with family than a time of sorrow.
2. She would find a man for me.
Those were two of the many prayers I kept to myself.
Previously, I had been praying that whoever came into my life that there'd be a covering of community. I wanted someone who was known by people that also knew me; I felt there was safety and blessing when someone could be vouched for. There were too many deceivers out there, and I didn't want to chance it. You would think with all the connections and pastors we knew throughout the whole state of Minnesota, that it'd be the place I'd meet someone. As she left for Oregon, I knew it was a long shot in finding someone in such a short time, especially when you compare the size of Minnesota to a community of about 15,000. I just figured God could do anything; He had made more impossible things happen, so I was going to pray anyway!
Mom called me. It had only been a few days.
"Robyn! I'm sitting here with my good friend, Cindy, and she says you and her son, Josh, have a lot in common. She follows you on Facebook and thought you two should get to know each other; you should go add him!"
"Wow, that was really fast," I thought. No way. Was God answering my prayer that fast? I figured I'd play it cool and just take it in stride. "Oh that's neat!" I told my mom, "But, I am not adding him on Facebook, he can add me..." I later reasoned that I added people on there a lot with the intention to casually connect, so why not treat him like any other person? So, I did.
I messaged him, "Hi! You don't know me, but our moms had lunch yesterday. Just thought I'd say hi."
He began with, "Actually, I do know who you are." I found out later he thought I was a catfisher, or that a friend left their account open on his laptop, but then he saw my last name and recognized me as the daughter of his mom's good friend. Josh was three years older than me, and I grew up knowing his family as the family with a lot of kids who were redheads when we got yearly Christmas cards with pictures. Josh has six siblings and no red hair. Our friendship that was built on honesty from the start, and we continued writing each other on Facebook. After about a week of talking, he mentioned flying from Colorado Springs, CO, to visit me in Wadena, MN. He wanted to take me out on an official date.
I was so nervous when I was going to meet him face-to-face for the first time. The shuttle dropped him off at the halfway point at a hotel lobby, where my parents, AJ, and I waited. I saw him waiting outside the lobby with a suitcase. "There he is!" I exclaimed to my mom.
She said, "Well go and say hi!!"
"No!" I said, as I went and hid at the other end of the lobby.
My dad came back into the lobby, after searching out coffee I'm sure. Mom turned to him,
"Dear, she's afraid to go out there." For the record, I was shy, not afraid.
I grabbed AJ and said, "You're coming with me," and we all went out to greet Josh.
He turned as we approached him, AJ lept from my arms and right into his, and before I knew it, AJ was clinging to Josh with his face buried into his neck. It was the sweetest moment and best ice breaker one could have. My dad thought he'd do his own awkward icebreaker and try to put a Bible between us when we loaded up in the back. I laughed and put the Bible back where it originally was.
I enjoyed our first date so much! We went to the movies, an indoor waterpark, and Olive Garden. It was at Olive Garden he asked me to be his girlfriend. "Ahhh!! It's like he proposed to you, but to be his girlfriend!! That is so sweet!" exclaimed a friend. We dated from March - November, and he visited as often as he could, which wasn't often. It was torture for me because long-distance is HARD! In August, we got engaged in Montana on a trip with his family. We got married on November 30, 2013; it was the 5th time we'd been together in person.
Here's the part people lean in and ask me to repeat.
I am adopted.
In the Philippines, I was handed to missionaries when I was two weeks old.
The missionaries used to be my parents' pastors, and they called my parents (who became pastors as well) to see if they would be interested in adopting a little baby girl that was put into their care as they worked at the church in the Philippines and volunteered at the orphanage. My parents were elated and anxious to get new pictures whenever they could. Because of international complications, my adoption process was very drawn out. Their hopes went through a series of ups and downs when it looked like I might not make it out of the country at all. They were devastated. Miraculously, l finally landed in their arms at 14 months old.
When my parents were youth pastors, my dad mentored Josh's dad, and my mom mentored Josh's mom.
Those missionaries...and my parents...co-married (officiated) Josh's parents.
Josh's mom became a pastor.
When Josh and I got married, my dad and his mom co-married us!!
When we got married, the woman missionary (she survived her husband after he passed away from cancer), was able to attend and say a prayer blessing at our wedding. How fortunate she lived in The Dalles at that time.
I desired for my in-laws to be a blessing to my parents and for them to feel just like family; just like our own family gatherings. I also desired this because my ex took away from so much of that. He either isolated me away, or my mind had lost memory of some of the events. It hurts knowing others were affected as well, so praying about in-laws was a personal priority. God is passionate about family because He designed us that way, so I figured it was totally in the books to pray over that. What an answer to prayer! Josh's family was family to us even before we met and got married.
A couple years after we were married, we celebrated AJ being legally adopted by Josh! He always was adopted from the start in the heart! But, this was huge in so many ways, and brought my heart so much peace.
I am adopted.
In the Philippines, I was handed to missionaries when I was two weeks old.
The missionaries used to be my parents' pastors, and they called my parents (who became pastors as well) to see if they would be interested in adopting a little baby girl that was put into their care as they worked at the church in the Philippines and volunteered at the orphanage. My parents were elated and anxious to get new pictures whenever they could. Because of international complications, my adoption process was very drawn out. Their hopes went through a series of ups and downs when it looked like I might not make it out of the country at all. They were devastated. Miraculously, l finally landed in their arms at 14 months old.
When my parents were youth pastors, my dad mentored Josh's dad, and my mom mentored Josh's mom.
Those missionaries...and my parents...co-married (officiated) Josh's parents.
Josh's mom became a pastor.
When Josh and I got married, my dad and his mom co-married us!!
When we got married, the woman missionary (she survived her husband after he passed away from cancer), was able to attend and say a prayer blessing at our wedding. How fortunate she lived in The Dalles at that time.
I desired for my in-laws to be a blessing to my parents and for them to feel just like family; just like our own family gatherings. I also desired this because my ex took away from so much of that. He either isolated me away, or my mind had lost memory of some of the events. It hurts knowing others were affected as well, so praying about in-laws was a personal priority. God is passionate about family because He designed us that way, so I figured it was totally in the books to pray over that. What an answer to prayer! Josh's family was family to us even before we met and got married.
A couple years after we were married, we celebrated AJ being legally adopted by Josh! He always was adopted from the start in the heart! But, this was huge in so many ways, and brought my heart so much peace.
God Loves You
I don't know where you are in life.
You may be on top of the world.
You may be at the bottom of a swamp.
I know loss.
I know shame.
I know devastation.
I know what it's like to feel hopeless...as though life can't turn around and a future isn't attainable.
I'm not saying your life is meant to pattern after mine, because our stories are unique.
I'm saying to hold on and hold tight because I believe you're designed and created with a purpose!
I'm saying I know you're loved and even when it feels like it's the end, it's not the end.
I might not be able to go back in time and tell myself that during my darkest moments...
...but, I can tell YOU.
It's my prayer that my story brings you encouragement, hope, and affirmation, because the same God who loves me, loves you too.
You may be on top of the world.
You may be at the bottom of a swamp.
I know loss.
I know shame.
I know devastation.
I know what it's like to feel hopeless...as though life can't turn around and a future isn't attainable.
I'm not saying your life is meant to pattern after mine, because our stories are unique.
I'm saying to hold on and hold tight because I believe you're designed and created with a purpose!
I'm saying I know you're loved and even when it feels like it's the end, it's not the end.
I might not be able to go back in time and tell myself that during my darkest moments...
...but, I can tell YOU.
It's my prayer that my story brings you encouragement, hope, and affirmation, because the same God who loves me, loves you too.
